Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage: Need ...

Early this year, I accepted Christ this year after 15-20 years of living selfishly.? He had been calling me and I had been running.? It was the sin of adultery last year that brought me to my knees, to capitulation, and to the cross.? I ran from the adulterous relationship, from my drug use, and my selfishness to the arms of Christ.? I lay down my life for his grace, forgiveness, and way that he has made for us.

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Last Sunday night I looked at my wife's text messages and found that she was starting to get close to a male that she worked with.? After doing a bunch of manic research, I confronted her and she admitted to me that this was starting to happen but that nothing escalated very far although it could have over time.? I decided to share with her that I had cheated on her before we got married and during our marriage.? I may have been able to get away without her knowing but the expereince of going through her texts allowed me to get overwhelmed with guilt from my past and sorrow .....I wanted to relate to her and to set things right with her as my life has been transformed over the last year and my family has taken on more meaning than ever before.? I have a 5 year old son, whose heart is being turned towards me and mine to him.?

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She was shell shocked and devastated and is moving rapidly to leave the home and marriage? and we have barely said a word to each other.? Of course this is not what I want and it will take some time for us to unwind things....but how do I even foster communication when she doesn't want any of it.? How can I ask her for forgiveness she doesn't exactly believe the transformation anymore?? How do I express my total grief and apology? How can I even ask her for another opportunity for discussion....she does not think I deserve it?? I feel bad reching out to her at all because I don't want to het hurt her anymore than she is already hurting and I'm sure that she is just barely keeping it together!

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I am crying multiple times a day and catatonic the rest of the time, but she is surely in a worse place than me?? I sent an email to her yesterday that had too much rationalization and justification in it but I don't want to send another one for fear of making her break down.

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This is a pivotal time and I am seeking advice on how to best position us for reconcilation in the early phases of our grieving process.... but I am certainly not in control and feel so powerless.

Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/24539

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